To write the dialogue for our thriller I've done some research for black humored text about cannibalism and found this (I marked everything red, which I thought could be very useful for the development of our thriller) :
you ever get tired of eating a traditional turkey dinner during Thanksgiving or boring old ham during Easter,or guinea fowl during Kwanzaa, maybe you should consider the other other white meat. It has been a long-standing tradition throughout the centuries to chow down on the slow simmered remains of our fallen enemies, but this culinary art form received little recognition in western culture. Like the tomato, which was once thought to be poisonous, human flesh is actually a very healthy alternative to the hormone-injected meat you find at your local supermarket, and eating a person is not a soul crushing sin like some conservative religions want you to believe. The fact is that human flesh is both flavorful and full of the essential nutrition our bodies need.
This article is not to be confused with instructions on how to Cook FOR A Human, how to Cook ForTY Humans, how to Cook FOR Forty Humans, or how to Cook For Forty Humans AND THEN EAT THEM. While slowly rubbing off the dust from a book only to find different titles for the same book is comical, it will help you with your ultimate goal of preparing the best Human possible in the 60 minutes allotted during a standard iron chef competition.
- Age – Just like other game meat, humans get tough and stringy with age. Anyone 3 - 16 years old taste great, their well shaped legs are great for tender, succulent meals. Girls do taste better than boys.
- Size – Like a good marbled beef, you want your human to have a bit of fat on them and to be of a large weight and size. While a very thin woman may be found attractive, the fact is that what little meat they have is stringy and tough. Very heavy humans tend to be more tender and juicy, so they should be fattened if you desire extra flavor. The meat found on bodybuilders and strongmen are tough ans flavorless due to the lack of fat. The perfect cut of human flesh comes from the average Australian couch potato Due to that fact that with any other feat, flavor come from the fat. However, be careful that you do not become an Australian yourself from too much fat intake.
- Sex – As in monkey sex, sex doesn't really matter. Although, females do tend to taste better, and males tend to have more muscle (that means more ballfat) on them.
- Nationality – Actual race and color have very little to do with the taste of humans. All races are pink and fleshy underneath the skin. Some believe that brown skinned people contain more omega-3 and calcium, but that is just a myth (however you are welcome to test this for yourself). However one thing that does make a difference is diet. Humans who are strictly vegetarian tend to taste a bit more beefy than those that primarily eat meat. Other considerations are salt and spice intake. Italians, for example, tend to have a mild, natural garlic taste while people from India tend to be a bit on the spicy side. Also another tip is to cook the anus with salt and garlic at 450 degrees (rare to well done is up to you). The healthiest part of the human body is the lymph nodes and also, the urethra. But if undercooked they will taste sour and tangy. If you follow these instructions then you will have a wonderful healthy** meal.
- Healthy is only a word. Remember the old words of wisdom "what you eat is what you are." Over consumption of Germans has been known to lead to antisemitic ideals, Swedish meat may lead to creating windmills and wooden shoes. The greatest thing to be warned about is the meat of the overweight Australian, which has a peculiar flavor due to the native diet of croc meat, koala, kangaroo, and the occasional bush snake, and tends to raise one's cholesterol due to high lard content.
- Industrial Farming –Some proponents of 'human rights' have criticized the cramped and inhospitable living conditions used for the industrial production of humans for food and other industrial purposes. Humans should be given a minimum of 100 square feet, or about 30 square meters per person per household. Less than this and the humans may begin to 'peck each others eyes out', which can increase the risk of disease. Also, you should not allow your humans to amass too much garbage or cheap plastic crap as this can diminish the effective living area inside of their cages.
- Healthy is only a word. Remember the old words of wisdom "what you eat is what you are." Over consumption of Germans has been known to lead to antisemitic ideals, Swedish meat may lead to creating windmills and wooden shoes. The greatest thing to be warned about is the meat of the overweight Australian, which has a peculiar flavor due to the native diet of croc meat, koala, kangaroo, and the occasional bush snake, and tends to raise one's cholesterol due to high lard content.
Where To Get Your Human
Fortunately, humans are very abundant and the value of a human life has never been lower! Humans have become so common that it is hard to walk down the street without running into many, many potential meals. Schools, Colleges, stores, and more allow humans to be a more easy form of food to catch. First, a good place to hide is near a street, perhaps in a bush, or in a tree. Once one is spotted, grab him or her and drag or carry the meal to your car. Once inside, you should strip them until they are down to their underpants. Then tie them up with heavy ropes so they can't move. Once home, untie them and then take off their underpants so now they're fully naked. If you are feeling a little frisky, it's alright to "play" with your food. You're going to eat it anyway, so why not have a little fun? Now you can put the child in the oven for 1 hour or eat it raw. If you are feeling audacious, you can even eat it alive. Just pick a spot on their body and bite (tying your meal down is recommended, however). If you want it to taste better give it a bath. If you are planning to eat the child raw or alive, you have to bath it so you won't get sick and make the water very hot. Also, be sure to shave all the pubic hair off. When you are done bathing it you have to dry all the body parts. Before you start eating get another child and make a child sandwich: it is done by getting two people lay on top of each other naked and put what ever you want on them and then eating both of them at the same time. For your sandwich you should get a boy and a girl and make sure they are around or the same age because it will taste great!
It should be noted, however, that the hunting of this animal is still considered illegal in several states and in the more conservative areas of Europe. Asia and Africa, by contrast, are so over populated with unwanted humans that the local governments have started campaigns to rid themselves of the extra people. In China, breeding more than one human offspring is a federal offense and in the middle east they have taken to blowing up as many humans as they can just to lower the population. In the United States, however with the explosion of the population, President Obama would freely give you a human to devour to "stabilize the population".
Human hunting can be very exciting. Humans don't want to just become dinner, so they will use their natural instincts to try to avoid being captured. Many people will attempt a counter attack, thus making the hunter the hunted. If you are not a big game hunter and don't care for the edge-of-your-seat thrill of bringing down your own kill, don't worry, the average drug addicted bum will gladly off someone for you for a small fee or a few grams of their favorite medication. Or use some heavy sedatives. Pricks and bullies are also good sources of human flesh, but the end product is usually so battered that it is only good for ground meat or stew cuts. Finally, with the lax morals of today's youth and the right to cheap abortions, there is always a large supply of fresh human fetus to go around; check around back of your local chapter of Planned Parenthood as they always have a fresh supply. Also prostitutes and young high school drop outs taste spicy. Their attitude has something to do with it but their bodies also end up aiding in their consumption. It is estimated that by the year 2018, all young drop outs and prostitutes will have been or are being eaten.
Or you may go to a dark DARK forest, hide in the bushes with some rope, sedative, scissors, and don't forget a gurney and wait for a 13 year old to come along and then jump out, tackling them. When you do, sedate them and then tie them up with the ropes, then you must use the scissors you must remove all clothing except for the underwear and you can't pull them off if the child is tied up, can you? After that you roll them onto the gurney and wheel them as fast as you can while still being inconspicuous to the large white van waiting outside of the forest. Put the gurney in the back and drive off to the preparation.
If you are planning on picking out a very strong human to eat, then projectile weapons are favoured. Any of the "extremities" are good places to aim your projectiles. The head is the favoured place, as a human can be slaughtered with one attack this way. If you do follow this advice and end up taking down a wrestler, you are in for an absolute feast. As for where to find strong, muscular humans, try waiting outside a sports facility. Humans playing there will be more muscular than average and therefore have better tasting meat. They will also be less likely than average to go on in life to do something important, like figure out the meaning of life or find a cure for cancer, so you can sink your teeth into a jock steak without fear of disrupting an important event.
A last option is to find a feedee, they're willing participants, to let's say, be filled out a bit more. Once they reach that magical number (around 200+ pounds for most women, although you can fatten them further) just drug away and you've got a ready meal without having to partake in kidnapping, no hassle, no fuss, just delicately prepared and rounded feast! How can you tell if she is fat enough? Her clothes should not fit: Her breasts should be pushing out of her bra, and you might get a look at her nipples. Her belly should force her shirt up past her belly button. Her belly button should be several inches deep. Her thighs should be forcing each other apart, and her pants should have ripped long ago, leaving only underwear her butt has forced into a thong. Her vajayjay should be nice and plump also. If you have any doubts about her fatness, you should squeeze her and find out where she is the biggest. All parts of her body should be easily accessible, so lay her out in an open space or on her back.
Cooking
It is important to cook your human thoroughly, as they tend to be filled with a wide array of viruses and bacteria, especially swine flu. Human flesh should not be consumed unless it has been cooked to an internal temperature of at least 160°F. With that in mind, you can pretty much substitute human in any of your existing beef or pork recipes, but, since human meat has a genetic resemblance to pork, it is more common to use in pork recipes. Slow cooking tends to be the best way to bring out all of the natural flavors while optimizing the texture of the meat. As with all meats, you never want to over-cook your human. A general rule of thumb for oven roasting your human is 15-20 minutes per pound, but cooking times vary according to the recipe you are using.
Fortunately, humans are very abundant and the value of a human life has never been lower! Humans have become so common that it is hard to walk down the street without running into many, many potential meals. Schools, Colleges, stores, and more allow humans to be a more easy form of food to catch. First, a good place to hide is near a street, perhaps in a bush, or in a tree. Once one is spotted, grab him or her and drag or carry the meal to your car. Once inside, you should strip them until they are down to their underpants. Then tie them up with heavy ropes so they can't move. Once home, untie them and then take off their underpants so now they're fully naked. If you are feeling a little frisky, it's alright to "play" with your food. You're going to eat it anyway, so why not have a little fun? Now you can put the child in the oven for 1 hour or eat it raw. If you are feeling audacious, you can even eat it alive. Just pick a spot on their body and bite (tying your meal down is recommended, however). If you want it to taste better give it a bath. If you are planning to eat the child raw or alive, you have to bath it so you won't get sick and make the water very hot. Also, be sure to shave all the pubic hair off. When you are done bathing it you have to dry all the body parts. Before you start eating get another child and make a child sandwich: it is done by getting two people lay on top of each other naked and put what ever you want on them and then eating both of them at the same time. For your sandwich you should get a boy and a girl and make sure they are around or the same age because it will taste great!
It should be noted, however, that the hunting of this animal is still considered illegal in several states and in the more conservative areas of Europe. Asia and Africa, by contrast, are so over populated with unwanted humans that the local governments have started campaigns to rid themselves of the extra people. In China, breeding more than one human offspring is a federal offense and in the middle east they have taken to blowing up as many humans as they can just to lower the population. In the United States, however with the explosion of the population, President Obama would freely give you a human to devour to "stabilize the population".
Human hunting can be very exciting. Humans don't want to just become dinner, so they will use their natural instincts to try to avoid being captured. Many people will attempt a counter attack, thus making the hunter the hunted. If you are not a big game hunter and don't care for the edge-of-your-seat thrill of bringing down your own kill, don't worry, the average drug addicted bum will gladly off someone for you for a small fee or a few grams of their favorite medication. Or use some heavy sedatives. Pricks and bullies are also good sources of human flesh, but the end product is usually so battered that it is only good for ground meat or stew cuts. Finally, with the lax morals of today's youth and the right to cheap abortions, there is always a large supply of fresh human fetus to go around; check around back of your local chapter of Planned Parenthood as they always have a fresh supply. Also prostitutes and young high school drop outs taste spicy. Their attitude has something to do with it but their bodies also end up aiding in their consumption. It is estimated that by the year 2018, all young drop outs and prostitutes will have been or are being eaten.
Or you may go to a dark DARK forest, hide in the bushes with some rope, sedative, scissors, and don't forget a gurney and wait for a 13 year old to come along and then jump out, tackling them. When you do, sedate them and then tie them up with the ropes, then you must use the scissors you must remove all clothing except for the underwear and you can't pull them off if the child is tied up, can you? After that you roll them onto the gurney and wheel them as fast as you can while still being inconspicuous to the large white van waiting outside of the forest. Put the gurney in the back and drive off to the preparation.
If you are planning on picking out a very strong human to eat, then projectile weapons are favoured. Any of the "extremities" are good places to aim your projectiles. The head is the favoured place, as a human can be slaughtered with one attack this way. If you do follow this advice and end up taking down a wrestler, you are in for an absolute feast. As for where to find strong, muscular humans, try waiting outside a sports facility. Humans playing there will be more muscular than average and therefore have better tasting meat. They will also be less likely than average to go on in life to do something important, like figure out the meaning of life or find a cure for cancer, so you can sink your teeth into a jock steak without fear of disrupting an important event.
A last option is to find a feedee, they're willing participants, to let's say, be filled out a bit more. Once they reach that magical number (around 200+ pounds for most women, although you can fatten them further) just drug away and you've got a ready meal without having to partake in kidnapping, no hassle, no fuss, just delicately prepared and rounded feast! How can you tell if she is fat enough? Her clothes should not fit: Her breasts should be pushing out of her bra, and you might get a look at her nipples. Her belly should force her shirt up past her belly button. Her belly button should be several inches deep. Her thighs should be forcing each other apart, and her pants should have ripped long ago, leaving only underwear her butt has forced into a thong. Her vajayjay should be nice and plump also. If you have any doubts about her fatness, you should squeeze her and find out where she is the biggest. All parts of her body should be easily accessible, so lay her out in an open space or on her back.
Human hunting can be very exciting. Humans don't want to just become dinner, so they will use their natural instincts to try to avoid being captured. Many people will attempt a counter attack, thus making the hunter the hunted. If you are not a big game hunter and don't care for the edge-of-your-seat thrill of bringing down your own kill, don't worry, the average drug addicted bum will gladly off someone for you for a small fee or a few grams of their favorite medication. Or use some heavy sedatives. Pricks and bullies are also good sources of human flesh, but the end product is usually so battered that it is only good for ground meat or stew cuts. Finally, with the lax morals of today's youth and the right to cheap abortions, there is always a large supply of fresh human fetus to go around; check around back of your local chapter of Planned Parenthood as they always have a fresh supply. Also prostitutes and young high school drop outs taste spicy. Their attitude has something to do with it but their bodies also end up aiding in their consumption. It is estimated that by the year 2018, all young drop outs and prostitutes will have been or are being eaten.
Or you may go to a dark DARK forest, hide in the bushes with some rope, sedative, scissors, and don't forget a gurney and wait for a 13 year old to come along and then jump out, tackling them. When you do, sedate them and then tie them up with the ropes, then you must use the scissors you must remove all clothing except for the underwear and you can't pull them off if the child is tied up, can you? After that you roll them onto the gurney and wheel them as fast as you can while still being inconspicuous to the large white van waiting outside of the forest. Put the gurney in the back and drive off to the preparation.
If you are planning on picking out a very strong human to eat, then projectile weapons are favoured. Any of the "extremities" are good places to aim your projectiles. The head is the favoured place, as a human can be slaughtered with one attack this way. If you do follow this advice and end up taking down a wrestler, you are in for an absolute feast. As for where to find strong, muscular humans, try waiting outside a sports facility. Humans playing there will be more muscular than average and therefore have better tasting meat. They will also be less likely than average to go on in life to do something important, like figure out the meaning of life or find a cure for cancer, so you can sink your teeth into a jock steak without fear of disrupting an important event.
A last option is to find a feedee, they're willing participants, to let's say, be filled out a bit more. Once they reach that magical number (around 200+ pounds for most women, although you can fatten them further) just drug away and you've got a ready meal without having to partake in kidnapping, no hassle, no fuss, just delicately prepared and rounded feast! How can you tell if she is fat enough? Her clothes should not fit: Her breasts should be pushing out of her bra, and you might get a look at her nipples. Her belly should force her shirt up past her belly button. Her belly button should be several inches deep. Her thighs should be forcing each other apart, and her pants should have ripped long ago, leaving only underwear her butt has forced into a thong. Her vajayjay should be nice and plump also. If you have any doubts about her fatness, you should squeeze her and find out where she is the biggest. All parts of her body should be easily accessible, so lay her out in an open space or on her back.
Cooking
It is important to cook your human thoroughly, as they tend to be filled with a wide array of viruses and bacteria, especially swine flu. Human flesh should not be consumed unless it has been cooked to an internal temperature of at least 160°F. With that in mind, you can pretty much substitute human in any of your existing beef or pork recipes, but, since human meat has a genetic resemblance to pork, it is more common to use in pork recipes. Slow cooking tends to be the best way to bring out all of the natural flavors while optimizing the texture of the meat. As with all meats, you never want to over-cook your human. A general rule of thumb for oven roasting your human is 15-20 minutes per pound, but cooking times vary according to the recipe you are using.
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